Friday, August 21, 2009

PETA-filia revisted - PETA to Fatties: Stop Eating Meat

Who can tire of PETA? Every time they pop up, they are out there name-calling, attacking, or engaging in some other inflammatory behavior. Most of their stunts give off the vibe that this group is nothing but a sorority for the sort of shallow, anti-social, emo and psuedo-intellectual wieners you'd come across in your College Lit classes. You know the ones, they sit in the back sighing at the rest of the class doodling "I heart Sylvia Plath" on their 100% recycled notepad dreaming of the day they could get revenge.

Well, today they get revenge on the world at large by calling people fatties! That's right, the gyst of today's fun tale is that if you eat meat, you're a fattie. Read about it here (with audio links from a radio interview by one of the members). I know after hearing about this I want to put down my hamburger, grab an acoustic guitar and sing Koombaya around a campfire while sharing wheat grass salads with my fellow commune members. I'm sold!

If only someone could have called me a name sooner, I'd be a size double-zero and wearing that little black dress I've always wanted...wait, this movie has absolutely nothing to do with me! In fact, this doesn't have anything to do with anyone. The claims they make are wildly unsupported. The vegetarianism they are promoting isn't even necessarily vegetarianism it's veganism. They offer zero information on proper nutrition and ultimately seem to loathe humanity. If you truly loved animals more than you loathed humanity, why wouldn't you seek to sway or engage minds rather than inflame them? I'm not sure about you, fair reader, but I am NEVER moved to adjust my habits by people calling me names. In those case I'm far more likely to consider that person a first-rate A-hole and be against whatever they espouse just because I don't like them and I have a feeling I'm not alone on this.

For my farewell, I'll leave you a fun bit from The Onion. While it's a satire site, the fact that your organization, PETA, is known for despising people so much that it's reached the height of satire in our country shows what a dismal failure you are.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Food Fascists

Well, I can't stay away from you, Kookistan. Every time I try to get out, the Kooks just PULL ME BACK IN! Today's ire comes to you from the Food Fascist area of the world.

I'm going to clue you in on a little fact, fair reader. There are certain people out there in the world; malcontents not happy with their lot in life who stake out some special plot of bizarro behavior. In America we're a pretty tolerant bunch, so we say, "have at it, whackaloon!" However, now and again, these malcontents just can't be happy enough by themselves. They need to try to force their abnormal behavior on to others to try to justify themselves and try to redefine what they do as normal. One very special section of hell is being reserved for those that fit this description when it comes to food.

There are 3 types of critters in the world: Herbivores, Carnivores, and Omnivores. Herbivores eat almost entirely herbs and critters of this type have flat teeth for grinding. Carnivores eat almost entirely meat and have sharp POINTY teeth for biting. Omnivores eat both meat and herbs and have a variety of teeth for the task. Now that we've had that basic evolutionary biology lesson, what category do humans fall into? DING DING DING OMNIVORE!

That's right, human beings have evolved to subsist on a combination of both meats and plant material for their sustenance. In order to have a balanced diet that keeps you healthy, you need essential vitamins, supplements, and protiens found in foods that cross both the plant and animal spectrum. We have pointy teeth. That isn't for violently ripping a leaf off a tree and shaking it like a ragdoll til the lifeforce ebbs from the branch. NO! We are multifaceted. We can be the mighty hunter that yanks hot steamy hamburger meat from the cow or eat a depressing bowl of twigs, leaves and berries 'til the next day where we'll hopefully be more successful and bag us a cow.

"I can outrun a Vegan."

Vegans, however, are quitters. That's right, they can't catch a cow (quite possibly the slowest and stupidest animal on earth). So Vegans instead quit at the start of the game and kill off the vegetation of sweet mother-earth. Despite the fact that a forest is not safe from their senseless slaughter, I'm inclined to live and let live. Some, however, do not share my sense of civility. A Vegan advocacy group has come out with a lawsuit against a number of hot dog manufacturers, which you can read about here, that not only tries to scare people into becoming a born again Vegan by calling hot dogs a cancer-agent, but also tries to single-handedly destroy our national past-time. After all, who wants a nice Cancer-dog at the game?

In general, I have a problem with the "scientific studies" that groups like this provide. Every time I've read the fine print (and believe it or not, I'm one of the few wastoids that DOES read legalize in small print) the conclusions of cancer-inducement with compounds in food is always laughably hard to achieve. Someone out there really REALLY hates rats, because if you look, the finding will always say something to the effect that "injecting 50 gallons of Nitrates into rat gave rat cancer." Well no shit, Sherlock. If you put 40 tons of hot dogs in me, I'd likely die too. That's why I'm eating my 40 tons of hot dogs over decades, not a single day.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


So we've learned to be wary of the critter-huggers and lawyers. Who else need we fear? The handicapped! That's right boys and girls, if you take the initiative to be productive in our society and risk to run your own business that deals with the public you have to fear not necessarily those just unfortunate enough to be pysically handicapped, but those who are emotionally and ethically handicapped.

Imagine a time in your life when you were little. Mommy and daddy (or other parental/guardian units as applicable) promise to take you down to that special little restaurant or ice cream parlor that's a staple of your youth. You grow up with this iconic little place and take all of your friends and family from out of town to dine there when they come visit. Facebook explodes and maybe you even start a "fan's of xyz eatery" fanclub. Welcome to today's example of kookery threatening the world of the sane.

In 1990 Congress created and George H.W. Bush enacted a touchy-feely piece of law called the Americans with Disabilities Act. While the concept of providing reasonable access to those of our society with disabilities is laudable, the following years have shown that, as usual, with excessive governmental interference into our lives, the vagueness of the Act has led to rampant serial litigation that threatens innocent people trying to be productive members of society.

Enter Chuck's restaurant in Stockton, California with today's insanity. Decades have passed since this bill has passed. Never before have they had issue with folks using their restroom facilities, in walks our emotionally handi-capped antagonist. A serial litigator, the man strolls into the restaurant, finds problem with the accomodations, leaves and files suit. The restaurant now faces the real possibility of closing. Only after a major outrage and 4000 + member facebook group urging the saving of Chuck's grill, which can be read about here did the predatory litigator make more reasonable demands.

Do we really need to be ruled by the tyranny of the minority? Especially when they look like this? Why do we allow a miniscule segment of the population the ability to financially destroy and ruin something cherished by the mass majority because of "their feelings?"

Friday, June 19, 2009


What's funnier than a bunch of militant critter-huggers trying to ruin your country? Try out a group of unnecessary lawyers out to "make a point." The ACLU or American Civil Liberties Union so often takes on the "cause" of vile criminals beyond excuse that one could easily confuse their moniker for American Criminal Liberties Union.

As a recent example of the fun of this group I give you Alexander Alli. The class-action lawsuit was supposed to highlight the issue of detaining immigrants for long times without trial during cases of deportation. The fun part is that as their poster boy, they chose one of the ringleaders of the largest internet Identity theft rings to have operated. Ever heard from a Nigerian prince about some money he wants you to bank for him? That's Alli.

Hundreds of dollars an hour and high-powered lawyers can't even check who they choose to be the poster-boys of their causes? More likely, they don't care. After all its only folks being preyed upon by the criminal immigrants they are seeking to get free that have to worry, that and the taxpayer money wasted on the court-time to adjudicate their lawsuits.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Petafilia 2: Nudity, mass-murderers and carrots, OH MY!

There's nothing as awe-inspiringly amazing as watching a self-righteous do-gooder American "cause" go strolling into poor countries telling them how to live. That's right, PETA has a new ad that uses the grand-daughter of a latin-american mass murderer to sell (are you ready for this?) vegetarianism!

The concept seems to be "look here, poor people. I know you all can't really afford meat anyway but if we show you a nudie of the granddaughter of some psycho that murdered your grandfather maybe you can 'join the vegetarian revolution.'"

For those of you that only know Che from the stylish T-shirt or handbag you wear (all the while decrying Capitalism), here's a little info on how wonderful he truly was.


One of my favorite group of kooky folks happens to be PETA. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have engaged in so many off-the-wall things I have a special giggle-chamber in my heart for them.

President Obama, in a recent interview, in order to reaffirm his tough-guy image to the nation after spending the first 5 months of his term hugging, bowing and loving on dictators the world around, swatted a fly. This, much to the consternation of PETA, was decidedly cool. My only suggestion to our fearless leader; next time, do it like a REAL master.

RIP - Pat Morita